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So basically

Wed May 6, 2009, 4:14 PM
I thought I would update and give people something to read.

However! I really Don't feel like writing something important, so I'll just list all the Anime I've watched/rewatched in the past 2 months seeing as I've just been laying around my House and Haven't been able to Do much else....:sick:

Well, At least all the anime I finished, Some shows suck to horribly to even watch though.


Spice and Wolf: :cuddle:

Black lagoon: :pirate:

Black lagoon: 2nd barrage: :finger:

Cowboy Bebop: :floating:

Gundam Wing/Endless Waltz: :sherlock:

Midori No Hibi: :aww::hug:

Great Teacher Onizuka: :star::star::star::star::star::teevee:

Code Geass: Lelouch of the rebellion :fuzzydemon:

Code Geass: Lelouch of the rebellion R2 :evileyes::horns:

Gundam Seed: :bored:

Gundam Seed: Destiny :bored:

GITS: Stand alone complex :ninjaplot:

Trigun: :ahoy::drunk:

Samurai Deeper Kyo: :meditation:

Gundam 08th MS Team: :sing:

That's only the one's I've finished! :ashamed:
I don't know about you, But that's alot of stories that are now stored in my head. The more, the merrier I Guess...


So, how have all of you been? It's been a while.

Ps. Damn it, Why can't anyone live near me. I've still got tons to watch... "I'm so lonely!" </carl voice from ATHF>

23 Comments
  • Mood: Suggestive
  • Listening to: Yes, that says suggestive...And??
  • Playing: Chrono trigger and FFX
  • Drinking: Too much, it would seem. (lol)

Thanksgiving.

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 26, 2008, 9:25 AM
Have a happy week!
I intend to sleep and...Well, Mostly sleep!

But really i think I'll drive into Austin and write for a while.
For whatever reason the only place i want to write at is my church, Which is odd.

Although, With the sound proof walls/no one else there/Biiig open, quiet space all to myself- Who wouldn't want to?


Don't overdose on food!


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  • Mood: Eager
  • Listening to: Elton john

*Laughs*

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 13, 2008, 2:04 AM
Baaaaahahahaha!

It has been years since i laughed this hard at something!
I don't think Father has EVER been that good at keeping something he openly told me, hidden. (in a good way)

Lol, It alllll just came together at once and didn't stop for about an hour.

I mean, I was so excited! I was dead tired and once i started thinking I ended up jumping out of bed like a kid on Christmas morning to run towards the nearest calender to check all the dates on this!

Ok, Sorry. I probably am confusing everyone who reads. It's just to incredibly classic for me to even think straight.

Lol, i don't know, I don't even think I'll write it at this point.
But I'll throw you some of the dates. (of which i knew absolutely nothing about until i looked them up on a calender tonight! hahaha, to add to the humor in everything)

I "mysteriously" became unnaturally and unsituationally depressed a week and three days or so before my birthday.
That depression intensified for what seemed like months, When in actuality it had been six weeks, six days when it reached it's absolute worst, I literally felt dead. I went for a walk and fell from exhaustion and my face landed in mud. (lol, Some of the bad shit that would happen to me, was just comical because of how incredibly planned it looked.)

A week and three days before my birthday was (Without prior knowledge of it before about 30 minutes ago.) Yom kippur (Google it...)
So, again "mysteriously" I had nothing bad happen to me Seven weeks exactly since Yom kippur.

It's a full moon tonight, I can't sleep on full moons. And History shows that if God ever shows me something Major- It's on a full moon. (Not to mention all my other lovely connections with them!)

Father pieced everything together for me, On the first day of the seventh week. And for the first time since then, I laughed so hard i almost cried. I don't even think there is a word to describe the level of joy, besides it being expressed in laughter.

Lol, Those are just the dates!
They don't even describe me remembering specifically being told back in JUNE that around my BIRTHDAY i would "die"! And only after then would i be able to truly live and travel! haha and that's not even describing how he made it gradual to where i wouldn't notice it, OR what happened the days before, and after i was told that! It all makes perfect sense now, So Thank you Father- For giving me laughter and joy.

So to all the pain and doubts i had about anything. Weather being spoken through me or through others. (seeing as they all came from Father, Obviously.) I have one word:

BOOSH!


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  • Mood: Humor
  • Listening to: "They all drowned!" "Boosh!"
  • Reading: Gensis - Abraham
  • Watching: Frisky dingo (Adultswim)
  • Playing: Haha, It's 4:03 in the morning
  • Eating: So i think i might play some CSS
  • Drinking: Or left 4 dead. or something, lol.

Well, Maybe

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 9, 2008, 11:03 AM
Miracles are happening.

I just got my passport in the mail
The waiting for it was supposed to be 3 to 4 weeks- with fast shipping.

I'm to poor for that, So i did basic on everything.


It's been about a week and a half...And here it is in my hands.

*laughs a bit*

So, Even though I'm probably walking into a deathtrap. I pray that soon I'll be able to go to Scotland.
I know I'll most likely be miserable, And will probably make the people i want to visit miserable by being there. But if i can help one person, I'll be fine. Whether it be the random shop owner, Or lonely person sitting in a park. If i can help, And if i can go where my Father wishes me to go- Then the trip is worth it, Regardless of it affecting my condition.

And that, Is my final decision.
If Father wishes me to have no good standing relationships when i go over there, That is his decision. This trip wasn't suppose to be about comfort. And as with everything else, I'm sure it will be filled with pain, He has taken her and her family's love for me from them. So that i must rely absolutely on him, And the knowledge passed down to me through my visions. will i be alone, Probably. At least for the first part, But if he can get a 'back of the line' passport processed and shipped in ten days. Then I'm sure I'll at least get to see her before i return. Lord knows i want to.

But all will be done, As Father wishes. Not as i wish, Not as my mother wishes, Not as my loved ones wish.

Solely, As God wills.
He's taken away anything that gives me comfort or love, And beaten me to the ground. I've been eaten by dragons, Punched by angels, and mocked by humans. Yet he still promises me Peace, Rest, and love. Therefore I'm more than willing to take a leap of faith- I have no life to return to. He has destroyed it completely. Only his promises keep me alive, keep me moving.

Now i simply sit and wait for a ticket. Which is easy now that I know what I'm dealing with. That's always easier than not knowing. The place i wished to rest my head, Has it's doors shut to me. Father has shut them, And only Father can open them.
Therefore i must have faith, And know that I have nothing to go to but promises that i will be safe. And because i have nothing to return to, I must have faith that i will be safe.

Anywhos, I could write for days about that.
I prayed deeply for my close friend in Scotland all day yesterday and today. We had a bit of a miscommunication regarding the status of our relationship and talked about that- And of course that had me incredibly sad and bitter. But...I'm praying for her not for that, I cannot blame someone if they fall out of love with me. Something else caused me to quiver. Seeing as i know you're one of the only ones who still reads these, Trust me on this- Keep your focus on Father, Try to listen intensely for his voice. Please.

My pain and medication are getting interesting, really.
Sometimes they will go coo-coo and have an incredibly weird reaction, which is odd...Seeing as I've been on opiates for quite a while now. And my anti anxiety medication...I get wasted(bad tense) at like .20mg. It's the oddest thing ever. If I'm stressed, My body sedates me so badly, I was really cloudy and in alot of emotional pain earlier in the week and was laying on my brothers kitchen floor, About to pass out from exhaustion and pain. But was inspired to get up and go talk to someone- Which miraculously happened. But i was still so sedated that i had to crawl on my arms to the nearest bed once i fell out of the chair. I couldn't stand the stress was so bad. Now, The question is. Does my body do that as a response to deep depression? Or does my medication react differently depending on how bad my emotions are. I'm thinking it's the first one, Because i took another painkiller right after that and laid down to talk to Father for a bit. And it actually ended up making me a little goofy (which i suppose is nice...until it wears off, Which is why i never indulge in it) as opposed to making me unable to move.

Last paragraph! I swear
Ehh, Maybe it was just that i was at a college. People get retarded as hell when they go to college, And either something traumatic happens to them and they return to their senses that maybe the whole, "I'm in college, I've got to do everything on my own and for my own" mentality doesn't work. Or they fall in-love with another non-thinking genius and make stupid offspring who they plan will do the same thing as them. - Did i mention they will tithe? *laughs*
Please. Just being in college for a week was one of the most wretched things I've seen, Only those who are in pain think straight. Everybody else has friends, And yeah, They are your friends, Until you realize that everyone else has the stated above mentality. Meaning, You won't matter. Unless your attractive, They are interested in you, or you benefit them in some way.
*Laughs* I was incredibly bitter about not being able to go to college until this week. Wow *Shakes-head* I've never seen a better definition of the matrix. Everything there is tailored to bring you up in some la-la fairy world where you are the only one who exists. and "You've got to work hard to make a decent world for yourself and your family."
Translation:
"Step on as many people as possible- Remember, People are there to be used as stepping stools until you can find the next person.
Leave all loved ones, friends, and relatives behind- Remember, If they aren't going to this school, They don't matter."
I ride around campus, And i couldn't even begin to count the number of people around that were being told they were succeeding, But they were all alone. They rely on their phone, And facebook. Oh if they didn't have their phone and facebook...
They can't live without them because no body cares enough about the next person to go actually VISIT them unprovoked if they know they are doing nothing.
I don't know, My analysis of college.
I saw alot of people in pain, But at least they cared for others.
I saw alot more people happy, But oh if they didn't have those friends to stand on, They'd be in a world of hurt.
School kids are taught to be parasites, Constantly feeding off of each other- In a bad way.
I saw nothing of my Father at school, Other than the sad people.
And especially the people who had been sad, But are filled with joy and hope now.
And guess what- They hate the school for what it taught them to be!

*laughs* Sorry, Sunday afternoon rant...
There's my sermon for the day.

I'll continue praying for you.

Love and prayers to all who read! :floating:
(ps, My mood really isn't unheard- it won't change!)



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4 Comments
  • Mood: Unheard
  • Eating: Fasting and praying. So, Little.
  • Drinking: Water.

The voice of an angel

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 8, 2008, 1:51 PM
"Those who stand tall, Are knocked down.
Those who are knocked down, Are picked up.
And all is done by us, as our Father wills."

Good to hear his voice again.
It's been about a year since I have.

The last journal was a bit inaccurate.
So life plans update-

Step one:
Get lawn chair.

Step two:
Sit in forest alone.

Step three:
Begin conversing with God.

Step four:
Wait for worlds to go up in flames.

Step five:
Leave forest, And assist people in need.


CSS by *kuschelirmel-stock
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  • Mood: Unheard
  • Listening to: .
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Water
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